Step by Step

In this past I have alluded to the fact that I really don’t have a lot of use for the books or articles that give a supposed 1, 2, 3 approach to success. I just feel that there are way to many variables to make these really useful. Not to mention the fact of previous life experience. When a seasoned veteran that has been down the path and through the valleys and has faced and fought his share of battles writes a how-to book, unless his step-by-step process includes going down the same paths and fighting the same battles how useful is his process anyways?

But, I also believe that there are some great books out there that will inspire you and will help you grow. Today I will share with you an outline that I gleaned from a book by Steven Scott. I used this outline to talk about effective communication recently and I feel it is extremely valuable for all of us.

Enjoy and have a blessed day,

RodZ

© 2008 – Rodney Zimmerman – All rights reserved



EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION


“Achievement is accelerated by effective and persuasive communication skills and retarded by the lack of those skills.” – Steven Scott

“The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and adds persuasiveness to his lips.” – Proverbs 16:23

“The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable.” – Proverbs 15:2

Effective communication is persuasive. It does not have to be manipulative.

The difference: Manipulation is using any means necessary to motivate or force someone to do something that fulfils your desire or need. Whether it’s in their best interest or not. Adolph Hitler was not only persuasive; he was one of the world’s greatest manipulators.

Persuasion on the other hand is communication that guides people’s minds and emotions past all obstacles, enables them to understand what you are saying and feel what you are feeling, and ultimately motivates them to take the course of action that you believe is in their best interest or for the common good. The change from persuasion to manipulation comes when you begin to disregard what is good for them and only think about what is good for you.

The Four Fundamentals to build a Foundation for Effective and Persuasive Communication

1. An Approach of Honor – You must commit to show honor and respect to the person you hope to persuade. This one area is where effective and persuasive communication is shut down before it even has a chance to get started. Examples of dishonoring your listener include:
a. Rolling your eyes
b. Shaking your head
c. Pointing your finger
d. Showing condescension, disgust, disappointment, boredom, inattentiveness
e. Negative verbal reactions – “Yeah, right,” or “Give me a break,” or the use of sarcasm is all dishonoring.
f. Using blanket statements – “You always do that,” or “You never do this,” are dishonoring.
g. Interrupting
h. Changing the subject prematurely
i. Discounting what the other person is saying

You must remember that by dishonoring your listener – you and you alone are defeating the goal of your communication.

Things that you can do that will show honor to the person you hope to persuade:

a. Timing – When you have something important to talk about, ask the listener to pick a time that best fits their schedule rather than expecting them to bend around your own schedule. Let them know the time you need and then honor that by not taking longer.
b. Listening – During the conversation, rather than instantly giving your point of view, listen attentively to theirs. As you listen keep your attention visibly focused on them.
c. Respond and Validate – Make sure you respond to what they say and validate their legitimate feelings, concerns, and opinions before moving onto your own agenda.

2. Attitude of Consideration – Many times people reject what we say, not because they disagree with it, but because they are reacting to an offensive attitude that we are projecting. It’s easier to have or convey a condescending attitude toward our listeners than it is to convey one that is considerate of their opinions, feelings, and self-esteem. When someone senses a condescending attitude they will throw up their defenses and close their spirit and mind to you and your point of view. Which then takes away any persuasive power you may have had.

3. A Full Perspective – We tend to approach every conversation from our own frame of reference. The problem is that if we don’t understand our listener’s frame of reference, we are likely to crash into this barrier as we begin our conversation. If you are attempting to share something important it is important that you know your listeners frame of reference first. The best way to learn this frame of reference is by asking your listener… “What do you think about this issue?” “How do you feel about it and why?”

4. Thoroughly Prepare – A simple rule to follow: The more important the issue that you want to communicate, the more preparation you need to do beforehand. Not all conversations are the same. Some are more important and deserve more time in preparation…others are less important and it would be a waste of our most import asset…which is our time…to spend hours and hours preparing for a conversation that isn’t deserving of that kind of preparation.